June 2010
Posted June 30, 2010
by Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
So it's here, the first official day of summer vacation for your child. Where in the world did that school year go exactly? First-day jitters ---- poof ---- last day goodbyes. It moves like wildfire. Everything does these days.
Yesterday, I read an article that absolutely moved me. It made me stop, think, reflect. It slowed me down.
It was the story of 29-year-old Meghan Baker, who was married, then shortly thereafter diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. After her diagnosis she wrote a list of close to 30 things she wanted to accomplish in her life. They ranged from "holding a PHD" to "mastering sewing, knitting and crocheting".
She blogged throughout her cancer treatment for brast cancer. Her blog was published on a website that was followed by several hundred readers. When she died in April 2010 - her husband made a pledge.
He vowed to take on the goals his wife didn't have time to realize.
What a powerful story. What a powerful legacy. What a powerful act of love.
The total time between Meghan and Adam (her husband) meeting, marrying, her diagnosis and her death - 2 1/2 short years. The blink of an eye.
What does this have to do with summer vacation?
It got me thinking that setting goals is such an important thing to do and teach children. We set goals for different things - losing weight, saving money, making major purchases - but how about LIVING life to the fullest.
That is such a rich lesson to teach children, and summer is a great time to start.
Usually, summer means slowing down - family outings, family road trips, more entertaining, seeing friends and extended family.
It is also the ideal time to teach kids the important lesson of setting goals that don't necessarily have to be about doing well in school or doing chores.
A short list of 5 things they'd like to accomplish over the summer months, is all you need to start. Tack it up on the fridge so they can see it everyday. The visual keeps it present and alive and evolving. The process of trying to achieve that goal and then finally realizing it is something kids can relate to and appreciate.
It is a lesson with so many powerful messages for both child and parent.
To read the entire article about Meghan Baker:
Posted June 28, 2010
By Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
This weekend’s protesting, police presence, hooliganism, 600+ arrests, black mark on a city, traffic disruptions and more as a result of the Summits (G20 and G8) in Toronto is cause for concern and reflection.
Why are we continually surprised as a society by acts of violence? Why do these criminal acts end up on the front page of the newspaper? And what seeds are we sowing as a society that cultivates this kind of behaviour?
There is a vociferous but often overlooked group of individuals that will tell you exposure to violence from childhood, whether ongoing or frequent, will likely produce teens or adults who either don’t see anything wrong with this behaviour who those who ultimately carry out these criminal acts.
Let’s take a look at cartoon, movies, and video games that are rated “acceptable for children” or General audiences. I must admit that in my house 99% of those deemed General are not allowed for a host of valid reasons.
I don’t need my kids playing video games that advocate shooting and killing. It doesn’t matter who else has them and how popular they are. These types of games just should not be produced.
Likewise, we have never allowed toy guns or any shooting-type implements in our house for play purposes. What is the point? Someone tell me what they learn from them, please?
I’ve never understood parents who allow it.
Call me militant. I’m happy with that label if it means my kids are less-focused on trying to physically beat each other up or annihilate the enemy (in a video game) or elsewhere.
Most cartoons these days also promote mature subject matter or some kind of violence.
Coming from another generation, I understand that Looney Tunes was based in part on “violent acts” – but somehow it was funny, not so intense and the message was ultimately innocent, good fun.
These day the images are more real, the message delivered with anger and frustration. The end result - a growing sector of young people in our society that use this type behaviour as a tool to get their message heard.
Respect, compromise, rationale discussion seem to part of a dying breed.
It’s too bad that some parents don’t or won’t take the time to monitor what types of toys are being bought, what shows their kids are watching or what kind of video games are being played because it will cost in the long run, in some way shape or form.
It’s really too bad because there were a ton of peaceful protesters in the mix during the G20 and G8 Summits in Toronto.
I would have really liked to hear what they had to say.
Posted June 16, 2010
By Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
They used to say “it takes a village to raise a child.” Well these days the village is more of a desert.
Our crazy busy lives are being infiltrated, dominated by technology, work, two-income households, kids’ activities, family commitments, school projects – the list is just endless.
Why? Because we let it.
A study released earlier this week by the Canadian Index of Well-being confirmed we are all living in a TIME CRUNCH.
Remember the days as a child when time just seemed to stand still. Where you could sit on the front step and stare at the patterns in the clouds or the mirage of the sun on the road and just be. No noise pollution. No running around. Just be?
I wish for those days again. As a lifelong dreamer, I relish any moment I can commit to daydreaming, to being creative, painting, drawing, imagining, engaging in quiet, introspection.
Our time crunch as a society will only change if we are proactive about it.
Take charge of your personal clock. That means MAKE TIME. Schedule it in if you have to, because it is so very important.
MAKE TIME to play with your kids uninterrupted, eat lunch, enjoy the sunshine, listen to the birds, people watch, sit in silence, listen to music, read a book, take a family walk, get ice cream together, go on a neighbourhood adventure, walk to the park.
Make time to do nothing. Book it in. It’s important. Your family life, your relationships, your happiness could well depend on it. 
Don’t put off til tomorrow what you can do today. Children grow up fast, life can change in an instant. That’s why seizing the moment today is so important.
The next step in this puzzle is helping the workplace evolve to support strong families. Flex hours, telecommuting, videoconferencing, conference calls. After all, a happy employee is a productive employee. Where applicable, this ideology make sense.
Hopefully, more and more forward-thinking leaders will see the value of strong families as being the lynchpin of a strong society. And they will make decisions that reflect that belief.
Families are the cornerstone of society. Children are precious gifts. If you believe family comes first, then make it priority number one. A strong family foundation will be able to withstand a lot thrown in its path. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth prioritizing.
Posted June 11, 2010
By: Crystal Cossitt www.whereparentstalk.com
I know most of you are probably expecting your daily dose of Lianne and Andrea's wisdom. But I asked them kindly if I could have the pleasure of writing a blog after being so inspired!
My name is Crystal and I am a writer and employee of WhereParentsTalk.com and while, I am not yet a mother myself, I felt like one last night.
I attended an amazing production of "Don't Touch That Dial!" put on by the kids from Saint Francis De Sales Catholic School in Ajax, Ontario.
I was there to see a special family friend-- Miguel now 13--who alongside his sister Nicole were performing in this montage of pop culture from the 1950's to present day.
Miguel was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 and since the day I met him all those years ago, I knew he was something special. My mother, an educational assistant would do respite work with Miguel on a weekly basis (and still does)
Miguel, quickly became a part of our family and watching him grow all these years from the little boy I remember to the young man who towers over me today-- I was so proud to see him up on the stage, singing along and saying his lines.
It has been a long road for Miguel and his family, extensive therapies, doctors appointments and of course the heartache. I think any parent of a child with autism can relate to the fears that their child may never be able to hold a steady job, or get married or even ever be able to truly "fit in".
It is the time taken out to appreciate these little moments in life when they shine through and show you how much they have grown and how far they have come.
Also, I just have to say KUDOS to the staff and students who put on such a fantastic show. These Grade 7 and 8 students and teachers took time after school and even on weekends to practice. Very impressive--good to see kids with creativity in use.
Thanks for listening and letting me gloat (just a little!)
Posted June 10, 2010
by Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
It's a story that is just so hard to get out of the mind. When I first read about it earlier this week, I was frozen. I still am.
A 3-week old baby girl mauled by one and possibly two dogs, in the family home. The newborn was said to be fastened in a car seat in the kitchen while her 17-year-old mother went out onto the balcony, less than 3 metres away, for a cigarette.
The mother is now being charged with manslaughter. 
It just leaves me with chills. For many reasons. One, that poor little girl did not have a chance - what a way to die. Two, animals and young children together have always left me uneasy.
I admit to having a ludicrous fear of cats since birth. They slither and are silent and for the most part fairly anti-social. Their unpredictably is likely the source of this irrational fear.
While I like dogs, they are animals and you JUST NEVER KNOW, especially when it comes to children.
That's why whenever I go to a park with my children and dog owners let their animals run free near the park, I gasp quietly because you JUST NEVER KNOW. I usually tell my children to keep a safe distance away. An huge, extra helping of caution never hurts - for both parent/caregiver, child and animal owner.
When I see young children leap in excitement at the sight of a dog walking down the sidewalk, I cringe. Who knows how animals will react in any situation? Why take that chance? Assess the situation, ensure everyone's safety, then proceed with caution.
I admire people who have newborns and dogs in their home. There are definitely brave souls. Hopefully they are vigilant too, because you JUST NEVER KNOW.
And while there are breeds of dogs that are baby and child-friendly, there are NO guarantees. This baby girl was mauled to death by a husky - a breed deemed to be safe with children.
Parents and children need to be aware. It's not a question of instilling fear, but more being proactively cautious. When you see a dog in the park or on the street - observe, think, then act.
This story of a family destroyed in Quebec is absolutely chilling. A 21-day-old life snuffed out in less than 3 minutes. A parent charged. One and possibly two dogs, neither of them belonging to the family, likely to be euthanized.
It is horrifying all around.
And the only question we can all ask as we shriek at the thought of these parents and this child is WHY?
Read the entire article:
http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Baby+mother+grandmother+charged+afte...
Posted June 8, 2010
by Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
One of the world's leading authorities on privacy issues opened my eyes to a whole new world I never really considered as a parent, during her address at an international conference on communications that I attended yesterday.
Dr. Ann Cavoukian, Ontario's Privacy Commissioner, interntionally-reknown privacy expert and creator of the concept of "Privacy by Design", covered a myriad of issues during what was an incredibly informative and enlightening address. None more pertinent for parents though than the issue of "what your kids post online can easily come back to bite them." 
One of her points was specifically targeted at older kids - teens -- high school and university students. And was rooted in this significant statistic - that more than 70% of recruitment by employers these days is done online - through LinkedIN (a professional networking tool), and other social media vehicles (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). The individual that is NOT careful about what they post or who they associate themselves with, or what they say in their profiles will likely seriously regret this transgression because the information is all "out there" and will be forever --- and because someone is reading it.
So whether your child is posting items as a joke or responding to someone else's comments - they need to be accountable and responsible. Dr. Cavoukian added that potential employment opportunities, post-secondary scholarships, internships, etc., could all be jeopardized by inappropriate material being published ---- material that employers, school administrators and others are reading online.
That was not on my radar as my kids are much younger than this age group. But, hold on, there was more for me and kids tweens and teens.
Sexting.
Yes I'd heard of it but again, really never paid attention to the concept cause my kids are under 12 years old. Doesn't matter, I learned.
An example of texting is a young girl taking a picture of herself wearing very little, then emailing it to her 'significant other'. What many of these girls don't realize, said Dr. Cavoukian, is that those boys then could turn around and send that photo off to 50 of their closest buddies. What horror for everyone involved - starting with that young girl.
Dr. Cavoukian scours the continent and really the globe communicating this message to students, social media entrepreneurs, corporations (Google, Facebook, etc)., and the general masses.
Being aware and mindful of what your kids are doing on the internet starts as soon as they know how to use a computer - which these days is around 5 or 6 years old. Internet safety experts will tell parents - keep the computer in an open, common space - not in a child's room where you may not always have access. This little step is just the start in being PROACTIVE when it comes to your child's internet usage and ultimately PRIVACY as they get older.
Proactive parenting. Proactive privacy. Pertinent and powerful messages for parents and kids alike.
Related content:
WebTV interview with KINSA (Kids Internet Safety Alliance) CEO, Paul Gillespie:
http://whereparentstalk.com/tv/teens/internet-safety-tips-whereparentsta...
Dr. Ann Cavoukian: http://www.ipc.on.ca/english/Home-Page/
Privacy by Design: http://www.privacybydesign.ca/
Posted June 7, 2010
By Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
Exam week kicks off today in our household. My 12-year-old son will write 6 final exams in 8 days as part of the home stretch of grade 7.
It’s a fascinating exercise to watch how different children manage this process. 
Because procrastination is a genetic condition in our family, I reminded him about a month ago to come up with a “strategy for studying”. And “whatever you do, don’t wait til the last minute,” went the friendly reminder.”
To his credit, he came home and compiled all kinds of study notes, on the computer. A four-finger typist, that had to have taken a concerted amount of effort and time, not to mention concentration to bang out.
As part of our “parenting strategy to manage a 12-year-old,” we’ve handed off all responsibility for school-related work and activities directly to him. Just the odd quick glance to see that work
is completed – that boil down to random, infrequent checks.
This is a far cry from grade 6 and earlier when the school agenda and the work were checked every night.
They have to learn responsibility and accountability is the logic here.
One thing that is always hard to predict though, is how a child will manage their emotions. Does stress force them to focus better or will it freak them out and get them all nervous and confused.
I fully remember exams as a teen. I remember consciously deciding not to show up til just before the exam started to avoid meeting all my friends and other people in the hallways who clearly hadn’t studied and would do nothing more than confuse issues, concepts, review notes and entire chapters because of their lack of study. You know the old, “well isn’t it this answer?” The last thing I needed was to be confused by some other kid before walking into the exam room.
My son is a calm, laid back boy. He can be phenomenally stressed out but you would never know it looking at him. With that in mind, I suggested we sit down together and do a review last night – just in case he had any questions. His first exam is math.
It was an “interesting” process. I discovered his “4s” look like “9s” and thus needed to be fixed. The concepts in math were fairly complex, which made me thankful that I am done school! And while he knew understood the concepts, he needed to be quicker on the execution – especially during a timed event.
He thanked me for helping him and for sharing my ancient tactics and techniques. He realized that having an exam strategy was also key.
“Write down all the formulas first,” went the friendly suggestion. “Read the question twice cause you never know how the question will end, even if you’re confident about how it began. And for goodness sake check your answers. There is only one right answer in math.”
Three little nuggets that he hopefully uses, but one never knows.
I did realize it gave him comfort to get a different perspective on things, to not feel alone in his studying endeavour and to have a plan. All of which is much-needed support for a young boy especially when it is gorgeous outside with the Stanley Cup finals on tv.
What will be interesting to watch is how much of that little lesson he will or will not apply to the next 5 exams.
Posted June 3, 2010
By Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
Does anyone know – do they teach children the nuts and bolts of how to do projects in school anymore? Or do they just get assigned from the very first day - say Grade 3 or 4 and let them fend for themselves – no explanation, no examples – just execution kids.
I continue to wonder. And I’m not impressed. Because I think the answer is an unequivocal NO. 
It makes me contemplate the actual purpose of a project. To get kids interested in a topic and to have them learn more about it, my assumption.
But why then do so many parents end up ripping their hair out so as not to have their kids rip theirs??
I learned with my first – a long time ago – that parental involvement in projects was not a good thing.
Gentle guidance, forceful prodding and then all-out badgering – sure I can handle that. But assisting my child with his project was never a good idea.
Sure like all parents I did end up helping the first child organize some of his ideas. But that was then and this is now. No MORE.
I happen to firmly believe that projects before Grade 6 are completely useless. With the internet and plagiarism ripe everywhere – what is the point really?
Why not dedicate project time to something more engaging like what my daughter’s class experienced recently.
Her phenomenal SK teacher brought an incubator into the classroom with 12 eggs and for 21 days the class talked about the process – what was happening and what would happen when those chicks hatched.
What an incredible experience for those little minds! It all culminated in the class visiting a farm earlier this week where the little chicks were dispersed into their more natural surroundings.
My daughter’s face, through this process, has lit up daily from ear to ear talking about those eggs, that incubator and those chicks. When she told us about getting to feed them at the farm – she was beside herself with joy. She may just become a veterinarian after this!
That is learning. Pure and simple. Applying concepts to real-life, examples that children can relate to. Don’t just talk about it – show them. Get them engaged, let them appreciate the process and most of all inspire their creativity.
Stoke that learning fire til it’s a raging inferno – what an awesome feeling for a child.
Projects, may fulfill that for some kids and their parents...but I politely disagree, especially when they become make-work projects for parents.
Instead of building volcanoes and doing dioramas of countries and famous people - why not re-introduce creative writing into the curriculum once again. You know, once a week write a story about anything you want and draw a picture about it. And then once a week bring in a project-like topic, call it an "advanced show and tell experience", or arrange a field trip to the school yard to discover something new. Sometimes the best learning is done right under our noses. Hands-on is the key.
Posted June 2, 2010
By Lianne Castelino www.whereparentstalk.com
Nod if this sounds familiar. The second you start a phone conversation, one child or perhaps several children start talking to you as if you are giving them your undivided attention. You gesture quizzically at them, pointing your free hand to the phone in your ear wondering what part of this scene they are not understanding!
I don't know what the clinical explanation is - I've always chocked that behaviour up to a child just wanting to have their parents complete attention. Nothing wrong with that. It is an honour to be wanted that way, isn't it?!! 
Over the years that has led me to increasingly spend "alone" or "one-on-one time" with each of them. And the older they get, the more I cherish that time. You truly learn so many things about them.
I'm convinced they have the "group personality" and the "individual personality". When they are with siblings, they feel a need to vie for attention or grab the spotlight or impress the others or be the leader or be the follower. In other words they find their role and adopt it.
When alone, it's a completely different dynamic. They can be themselves fully.
I've noticed my 10-year-old who is fun-loving and high-energy suddenly becomes calm, cool and collected, introspective and reflective. My 12-year-old who is normally quiet and low-key, opens up when we spend time one-one-one. And my 6-year-old who is usually chatty, suddenly becomes more quiet and open to a two-way conversation!
In our crazily, harried lives, one-on-one time is a gem.
It is like an escape - an opportunity to shut out the noise and focus on one person, channel all your energies into that one little being. Whether it's a walk around the block, a bike ride, a jaunt to the mall or playing a game, zeroing-in on that child allows them to know they are appreciated and loved.
It's amazing how they look at you like you are the only person left in the world. It's truly a feeling to be treasured.
After all we book appointments to have one-on-one time with other people in our lives on a regular basis - why not with our own children.